One Mom, Four Kids, and the Great Debate

When you become a mother you are automatically pushed into the middle of the breast-fed verses formula-fed debate. Which is better for baby? Which makes you a better mother?

The answer is neither of them does.

What’s best for your baby and what’s best for you as a mother may not be the same as what was best for my mother, my best friend, or me. Each family chooses how they will feed their littles based on what is best for them. And we as mothers and fellow parents would do well to remember that. Being a mom is not a competition.

As for my family, we have done both breast-fed, formula-fed and a mixture of the two.

When my oldest was born I thought breast-feeding would be easy and simple. It was not. It took a lot of effort to get her to latch on, and when she did, it was painful. The lactation consultant who visited with me those first few days in the hospital told me my nipples were “somewhat flat” and that a nipple shield would help. I used those shields for four months before I was brave enough to have my daughter latch on without them. Luckily, by that time the two of us knew what we were doing, everything worked out, and I breast-fed her until she was twelve months old.

I breast-fed my second baby as well. I did not need the shields with her, but she had jaundice, so we supplemented with formula the first two weeks after she was born. Once her bilirubin levels were in check I breast-fed exclusively. However, I stopped breast-feeding her and switched her to formula when she was seven months old because I was, at that time, about three months pregnant with my third child. We (my doctors, husband, and myself) decided to switch her because of my history of miscarriage and gestational diabetes. And she did just fine.

My third baby (and first son) was severely jaundiced. We were re-admitted to the hospital for three days when he was three days old. He spent time under the “bili lights,” and after that we had to go to the hospital every other day for two months until his bilirubin levels went down. During that entire time we supplemented with formula – my milk just wasn’t doing its job very well. Once his levels went down I breast-fed him and continued to do so until he was sixteen months old.

I’m now exclusively breast-feeding my fourth child. He has been the easiest to get started, and has never had to have formula. He is seven months old, and I plan to wean him around twelve months – which is my limit. After twelve months I just get to a point where I want my body back to myself. This may sound selfish, but if both mommy and baby are not on board, breast-feeding can be a miserable experience.

The point I’m trying to make is everybody’s feeding journey is different. Mine was different from baby to baby. Some moms have the same experience across the board. What I choose to do and what the mom next door chooses to do shouldn’t be fodder for a “who’s the better mommy” argument. It should fuel discussion and bonding, and I hope we all remember that.