These days, I am parenting a four year old, two year old, 16 month old, and 14 month old. Although I am privileged to be a stay-at-home mother, most days . . . it ain’t easy and it ain’t pretty. 
This piece is part confessions from the frontlines of motherhood and part permission to do less. Intrigued by doing less? Read on.
Here’s a brief synopsis of my life over the past five years: got married, one year later had Baby #1, one year later adopted Baby #2, one year later had Baby #3, then adopted Baby #4 two months after birthing Baby #3. Somewhere along the way, I realized that I would never be able to win it all, do it all, or be on time for anything ever again. I implemented my own version of simplicity parenting. So read it and nod your head in agreement or gasp in disbelief; but here’s the dirty truth from the trenches of mothering four under four.
One diaper bag, one sippy cup, one snack. For most outings, I pack one over-sized diaper bag with a plethora of size four diapers. (I recommend the Skip Hop Duo Deluxe Diaper Bag for large families.) Does everyone wear the same size diaper? Not really, but we make it work. I pack one sippy cup or water bottle for everyone to share. Germy? Yes. Less to keep up with? Yes. Whatever gets us out the door. Same goes for snacks. Most of the time, I don’t even pack a snack (a la Bringing Up Bebe).
I never brush my children’s teeth. Well, not never, but close enough. So far no cavities, so we do have that going for us. One or two nights a week, my husband is out of town, and bedtime is a one-woman show; and it’s all I can do to wrangle the kiddos into pjs and bed.
From my perspective, motherhood is now so completely and overwhelmingly inundated with information, that there really is too much to do. Watch out for secondary drowning! Avoid foods with artificial coloring! Never ever miss a baby’s well check up! I can’t get it all done. In fact, I don’t even come close.
And guess what? Doing my best is good enough for now. Of course, we’ll teach our children to brush their teeth as they get older. Skimping on personal hygiene is not a long-term solution, nor should it be, but my point is that it’s okay to cut corners.
Most toys are out of my children’s reach. It’s easy math. Fewer accessible toys means less for this mama to clean up. If my son asks for a specific toy, I get it out for him. I also try to rotate toys from the closet to the playroom. Putting away all the Legos and only getting them out occasionally has significantly impacted the tidiness of our home.
I encourage my children to play outside by themselves (safely in the backyard). Yes, even the two babies. I check on them every 15 minutes or so. Most days after breakfast, it’s mandatory outside playtime for at least 45 minutes. Yes, even if it’s hot. Yes, even if it’s boring.
We don’t do birthday parties. It sounds a little cruel, but at this juncture in life, throwing a birthday party for each child is not feasible. This year when our daughter turned one, my husband had been out of town for several days; and I was low on energy and groceries. I had to borrow eggs from a neighbor just to bake a cake.
We also turn down invitations to most other birthday parties. On paper, it appears a little snooty, but the weekend is sacred downtime for us; and saying no to party invitations is one way of guarding our family time. I applaud fellow Fort Worth Moms blogger, Anna, when she encouraged mamas to just say “No” in her piece here. Nevertheless, I was raised by a Southern mama, so I do have manners. I always send a gift to the birthday boy or girl even if we can’t make it to the party.
Finally, if you want a professional’s advice on doing less in the parenting regime, I highly suggest reading Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne. It will give you permission to do so much less!
What parenting shortcuts do you take?
I am a first time mom. After unsuccessfully trying to have children we decided to adopt thru foster care. This past 10 months have been a whirlwind. I am blessed to be a mom to 3 chidren under 2. So reading your article this morning really hit home. Thank you! I am going to get your suggested read TODAY! LOL
Wow, Maria! Thanks for commenting. That’s so amazing that you now have three kiddos. Hope you enjoy the book!
Emma…love it. We are cut from the same mold…and I only have 2 until I have four in Decemeber. We almost never go to bday parties, either…but I should send a gift…that’s what I get for being Midwestern!:)
I too have four and love this (one boy, three girls)! Weekends are our sacred time for us too. That is if I am not shooting a wedding. I made a rule for no work other than weddings (bread and butter) on the weekends and it has been the best decision I have made for my business. I cherish my family time. There are days where the hair is barely brushed, mine or theirs. I am lucky to throw on some mascara and lip gloss with a messy bun to appear “put together.” I do throw colors and coloring books in the bag now, to keep them occupied if we go out to eat as a family of six. Some nights their jammies are the dresses they wore all day and I am okay with it. I throw them in a bath in the morning and all is well with the world! Thanks for showing us real life!
I love simple parenting – I only have one, but with working full time, it’s how we’re able to survive. I’ll add one more thing I do when I really need a moment… plop my sweet child in front of the television and turn on Sesame Street. Not every day, and not for very long, but sometimes you just need a break.
Amen! I only have two, but we do a lot of this too because it’s just too much otherwise. (And I am so thankful that I’m not the only one who cuts corners with the teeth…I’ve been dreading our girls’ first dentist appointment next month!)
Amen, sister!
One of our short cuts? We sure has heck don’t get baths everyday (mom included). During the summer when it is hot and nasty it is more of a must but baths have never really been a nightly part of our bedtime routine. I also have kids that suffer from some eczema so everyday bathing doesn’t help that. I am also right there with you about not going to birthday parties – they are not our favorite thing. For our birthday parties we only do family (although my oldest who will turn 5 in a few months has requested we invite friends this year).
Emma… great article. I love the tooth brushing comment. it’s only now (at 2 and 4) that they are initiating brushing teeth themselves and that is great by me! We focus on getting as much well rounded nutrition as possible to keep their immune systems strong, and teeth healthy. Amen on the shared cup too.
Your life sounds similar to mine, although I feel like we are getting into the clear now. I have 3 bio, 2 adopted and they are all less than 5 years apart, oldest to youngest. At one point it was 5, 3 1/2, 3, 11 1/2 months, and 3 months. Now, the youngest is almost 3, although she does have dyspraxia and apraxia so she’s not quite up there with other 3 year olds. I’m with you on all your points, especially the outside time! It’s crucial and it gives Momma a much needed bit of quiet. My husband travels too, and I’ve learned to be thankful for the positives: I don’t have to cook a nice dinner (which I don’t HAVE TO anyway, but I like to for him) and the evenings are mine – to read, to bathe, to sleep, etc… I am here to say, though it’s been a long time coming for me, It Will Get Easier! 🙂 Yay! Praise God!
You might consider cutting out the pj part of single mom bedtime nights. For us, putting on pj’s at night was the biggest battle & once we felt the freedom to forget pajamas & just wear that day’s clothes to bed, the evening was happier for everyone involved. And baths… What are those?
The 1 year old gets up super early with dad to go to a daycare closer to dad’s work than mine. Because of this the 1 yr old goes to bed in the onesie/shirt he’ll be wearing the next day and in the morning I just change the diaper and slide bottoms onto a still sleeping child.