Have a Ton of Kids? Here’s a Ton of Tips.


Our family just recently welcomed kiddo #3 . . . and #4. Twins! The joys and challenges of motherhood with multiples is my trench of choice these days. In these first few weeks of as a family of six, I’ve picked up on some trends and tips. You’re welcome.


First kid . . . your coffee is decaf because like a rule-follower you didn’t drink caffeine during pregnancy. NOW if you do, your crazy pants baby will attempt in every way possible to “ruin” your day . . . mainly by crying incessantly and not napping. But you need caffeine so so so much. What’s a mom to do?

A no-nap day, no doubt.
A no-nap day, no doubt.

Two+ kids later, you know deep down that the recommended “two cups of coffee a day” rule probably means two 8 oz cups, but since no one officially spelled it out for you, you drink two guzzlers per day. Consequently, baby is nice and acclimated to it when she comes on out. Coffee is life.

Leaving the House

After child number one, leaving the house is a PRODUCTION: 75 diapers, 200 wipes, a nursing cover, an extra bottle of breast milk just in case, extra outfits for you and baby (because, again, just in case), toys, books, snacks, all in the cutest diaper bag . . . in addition to your cute designer purse.

Multiple kids later, leaving the house is still a production, but now it’s because you have a million kids. If you are lucky, your oldest knows how to buckle herself and a sibling. You throw an oversized wallet into an oversized diaper bag and leave the house with hopefully enough diapers and wipes for everyone who needs them. You curse the fact that you forgot an extra shirt for yourself because your baby is a spitter upper. But, oh well, you’re out.


Your first child has no idea what tv is until after a year. You entertain him with books, wooden toys, snuggles, and made-up songs. You take walks every day, exclaiming things like “look at the squirrel” and “oh, smell the flowers.” Around 18 months, you decide that a little bit of Elmo is okay.

When number two comes along, you decide that a lot of Elmo is okay; in fact, so is Nick Jr. It’s educational, right? Eventually you notice that you are paying the cable bill ONLY for Nick Jr. and call the whole thing off for Netflix.

After one and two, it’s all down hill. Words like Amazon, Netflix, and Hulu are now part of the regular vernacular of your home.


You read, you plan, you think, and ponder. And then nothing goes the right way. There’s spit up, infection, and cuss words. Nursing in public is awkward because even with your cute cover, baby routinely knows just how to flash you to the whole world. You realize that nursing IS NOT natural, no matter what “they” say. Finally, you figure it out and it’s over; your baby is one.

By kid two, three, and four . . . you’ve got this. You know the ropes, your baby grows and you’ve got your confidence back. You’re not worried about what they say. You know your body and your baby. And breastfeeding in public ain’t no thang. That cover is HOT and you know how to be discreet; no one even knows you’ve got your boob out.


Kids. Tears are like sweat. They are hard to control and sometimes embarrassing, and can happen for no reason: commercials, spit up, a dirty diaper, a gentle word, a harsh word. Having babies is hard work. And it’s hormonal work. Get used to it, mama. We are women; tears are here to stay no matter how many kids you have.

The Car

After your first kid, you are still driving around town in your sporty this or that. “Mini-vans?” You scoff, “Never.”

Three+ kids. Feeling a little cramped in your formally spacious SUV, you are an addict to mini-van porn from pictures on-line to the swagger wagon video. It’s a real problem.


The Love

Here’s the weirdest phenomenon about being a mom: after your first child, you think your heart might explode. You’ve never known love like this. But then it keeps happening . . . child after child after child. Despite the exhaustion, the tears, the hormones, the spit up, the love is indeed supernatural.

Tons of kids? Tons of love!


  1. Loved this post, even though I only have one kid… for now. And even with her, I totally went by the “a cup of coffee is a cup of coffee even if it’s really a whole thermos” rule while I was nursing. I would have done that while pregnant too, but coffee made me nauseous (as did every other food and drink item except tortilla chips and hot sauce). Thanks for sharing!


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