Momfession Monday: Dear Husband, Can We Be Friends Again?


weddingLet me paint a picture for you. You have enjoyed several years of marriage, you have “the talk” and decide it is time to start trying for a family. Maybe it takes you several months or several years, and then BAM, in comes this bundle of joy! You discover a love that you never knew existed. That love carries you through the next few months of sleepless nights, a messy house, and laundry up to your eyeballs. A year goes by and you wake up one morning and realize that your husband, who has been a great dad and support, seems a bit different. You suddenly realize that this man you have been married to for ___ years is not your best friend anymore. A new little person has taken his place. You didn’t plan it, but here you are.

I found myself here when our son was nearly two. I know what you are thinking: Why did it take so long?!?  Well, for starters, it was my first rodeo. I had never been a mother before. I had never even changed a diaper until our son made his debut. So needless to say, my relationship with my husband took a backseat. Our communication started to suffer. Our patience with each other was thin. We realized something was taking the place of our friendship — our son. Cue the startled emoji face.

We knew our rankings needed to be adjusted. When we got married, we made a vow before God to love and respect each other in good times and bad, sickness and health, for richer or poorer. With the addition of a blessing from God, we forgot some of these vows. We had to start making a conscious effort to make God first, us second, and our son third. Much easier said than done with two years of bad habits to break.

Do you see yourself in this situation?  You are not alone!  Here are some things that have helped my husband and I become friends again and put our marriage in its proper place.

Figure Out Your Thing

Every couple has that special something that solidified their friendship. Maybe it was trying new restaurants, bike riding, watching movies, coffee dates, etc. Going on long walks was our idea of a great time to connect. We would solve all of the worlds problems on our walks together. And they were seriously long walks. When baby came along, those epic walks ceased to exist. Oh sure, we would stroll around the block with baby in tow, but they were limited to 20 minutes before we had to head back due to diaper blow out, hungry baby, or tired momma. And we were certainly too tired to solve the world’s problems. Once we figured out that this key piece to our friendship was missing, we made a special effort to put it back together.

Talk About Your Day

“How was your day? Good. Yours? Good.” Sound familiar? Yep, this was pretty much the extent of our conversations after our son was born. These exchanges were doing nothing to help us reconnect. We have made an effort to be more detailed each evening about our day. It has been a great way to get a glimpse into each other’s lives as a stay-at-home-mom and working dad.

Reconnect with Friends

Some of our favorite times together before kids was hanging out with other couples. Get babysitters and make an effort to get out into the adult world.  You might talk about your kids the whole time, but at least you can sip on a margarita while you do it!

If you have found yourself in my shoes and are looking for ways to reconnect with your spouse, you are not alone. It is such an easy place to find yourself.  Assess what your rankings are verses what you would like them to be.  Do they match up? If not, seek out simple ways to realign your life and your marriage.

What things have you done to help reconnect with your significant other?


  1. Such a great post and so true! For us, the game changer was setting a monthly date night and making that a priority. We usually trade babysitting with friends or convince a grandparent to watch our little, but having a night to ourselves to look forward to is SO special. My other favorite thing to do is sit on our back patio with my husband, sip a glass of wine, and talk about life. Not family business/responsibilities/logistics.. but life.

    Oh – and a nightly foot or back rub while winding down in front of the TV. It makes us feel so much closer.


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