One of our sister sites explained why moms aren’t getting busy, and I get it.
Boy, do I get it.
Having two babies within 18 months doesn’t exactly put you in the mood to do what you did to create them in the first place! And once they’re here, your lady parts are all out of whack, and you are JUST SO TIRED.
I just want to say up front that I totally get that, and I’ve been there. I’m still there some nights. (Seriously, we are all SO tired.)
In my experience, it’s easy to let “not tonight” turn into the next night and the next and the next, and, before long, you’re trying to remember the last time things got interesting.
And, remember one of the most awesome things about getting married in the first place? Sex. Super fun sex. Anytime you wanted it.
If you’re looking to revive a little of that fun, here are 10 tips to help you fight the excuses and get busy again.
1. Lock the door.
Nothing can dampen the mood like a quick scramble for your clothes as your toddler bursts into the room. While a knock on the door is tough, too, at least you’ve got a bit of warning.
2. Half asleep is just as good as fully awake.
Despite your good intentions, did you crash during that last Friends rerun? Keep your eyes closed, roll over, and go for it in the middle of the night.
3. Be quick about it.
Speaking of Friends, as Chandler said, bring in some outside resources. As a newlywed, you might have had marathon, movie-style love scenes going on, but, let’s all say it together, ain’t nobody got time for that. Keep it quick, and don’t put too much pressure on yourself.
Don’t put pressure on yourself about your appearance either–especially if you’ve recently had a baby. Mama, you are strong and gorgeous, and you absolutely deserve some good lovin.’
5. Remember that you’re saving money.
Sex is cheaper than a massage, pedicure, or facial, and, if you’re doing it right, there is no better stress reliever. 😉 Also, if you forget a holiday or birthday, you’ve got an instant present anytime you need it.
6. You’re burning calories.
It’s tough to find time or energy to exercise, but you can burn a couple of hundred calories in the bedroom . . . way more than you’re going to burn binge-watching Gilmore Girls while sharing a pint of ice cream. (Although, let’s be honest, that can be a fun date night, too.)
7. Work out your frustrations.
I don’t know about you, but my husband and I fight a lot more ever since we had kids. Life is just more stressful, and there are so many more things to argue about. If it’s been a tough day, it helps to go to the mattress. Literally. Make-up sex rocks, and it can be a great way to work out your frustrations if you haven’t quite made up yet.
8. Enlist some help.
If you’re really struggling with the physical aspects, don’t be embarrassed to bring in some outside resources. Ask your family, friends, or doctor for ideas. (My OB/GYN was an amazing resource after I had my first baby, and I felt like I could ask her a lot more than I could the people I knew in “real life.”)
Use plenty of lubricant, and do what you need to do to make sure you’re physically comfortable.
9. Do what feels good.
Similarly, if you’re breastfeeding, and you don’t want anyone else near those leaky parts, tell your husband they’re off-limits. You don’t even have to go all the way every time. You can have a low-impact night or just make out on the couch. Whatever feels good to you.
10. Do it anyway.
This has sort of been my mantra this year. Too tired? Bad mood? Feeling yucky? Do it anyway. It’s definitely helped keep me in the mood more often than not, and, once it’s all said and done, I’ve never regretted it.
We were married almost seven years before we had kids, and those sweet little boogers definitely disrupted our routine. It is understandable and normal that they will change your sex life as much as they change everything else in your life, but it doesn’t mean they have to destroy it.
What are your best tips for “doing it anyway?”