I had heard all of the stories about how toddler boys were crazy to their younger siblings, often as a result of jealousy. The day we brought my youngest home from the hospital, I already had tactics to defend my little one and distract my toddler. To my surprise, my toddler LOVED his baby sister, perhaps a little too much. Though he was jealous of the attention, it often came in the forms of meltdowns and disobedience, but never aggression toward his sister. For this I was grateful, but not prepared for the overwhelming love he had for her. He would hug her often and hold her hand, and squeeze her so tight it would make me panic. He loved sitting very close to her, kissing her forehead, and then there was the occasional poking her in the eye (AHH!). Yes, you heard read me right. It was as if he didn’t understand how her eyes worked, so he was trying to figure it out himself. He would say “they’re moving!” Meanwhile, my inner momster would come out as I went to protecting her.
His love for her overwhelmed his two year old heart, and he had no idea how to express it.
During the first few weeks home from the hospital, I encouraged my son to “share” his cars (probably his most treasured possession) with his sister. He would be playing and would often drop off one of his favorites in her bouncer or swing. Of course she didn’t notice, but this was huge for my son. Our newborn had already won a coveted spot in big brother’s heart. She was his “best buddy,” as he often reminded me.
Now that she is nine months old, we have discovered a few ideas that work great for our busy toddler and baby, and leave everyone smiling! Here are five tactics with a twist that work for us:
- Tag – Little boys LOVE tag, and babies love the interaction with their sibling! This is a family favorite of ours and is played at least once a day. It is usually initiated by our toddler who tags and says “you’re it” or “got you” and then takes off running. I’m usually holding the baby, of course, so I’ll take off after him with her and let her tag him. Even though she’s only nine months old, she already knows what “got you” means and invites it with a laugh as she dives for him with her hand.
- Peek a boo – My son quickly picked up on this fun game and immediately spiced it up a little. After all, he’s got to be little sister’s “favorite” at all times. He will often hide behind a couch or chair and then jump out and say “Rawr” proceeded with “peek a boo.” The baby loves it and laughs and laughs.
- Where’s the toy? —This is a new game that my son recently started. When the baby is playing on the floor, he will take her toy and hide it behind her or on her head (if it’s a stuffed animal). Then, he will say “Where’d your toy go?” followed by much laughter. The baby enjoys it due to all the laughter. So, it’s a win, win.
- Reading books together — I was weary about what this would look like before baby arrived, but my son LOVES holding hands with his sister while I’m reading them a story. After the story, my son now wants to “read to her too.” So, I will read a sentence or two, a few words at a time, while he repeats it. These days, he never lets me forget when it’s story time or his turn to “read.”
- Nearby Play —No matter how unhappy our baby girl is, life is always better when her big brother is playing nearby. While my son never wanted to stay in one area at first, he loves playing near her now and shows her every creative idea he has. Now that she is a little older, he often incorporates her into his play by giving her a car or dinosaur to play with and sometimes making her walker the “car” he’s “driving.”
While these tactics usually work for us, ALL children have their days when nothing works to keep the peace. On those days, I recommend lots of coffee (preferably a pumpkin spice latte) and a nap if possible.
But seriously, if your toddler is crazy in love with your new baby so much so that it is overwhelming the baby and you, it does get better. Toddlers often need direction on how to incorporate their younger siblings in their play bubble. While you may be hearing “more work,” I can promise you it pays off in the long run.