What I Really Want in a Mom Friend

Motherhood. You are never alone, but somehow it can (at times) feel so lonely. The best solution to combat this loneliness is finding a few amazing mom friends. But, the formation of these friendships can be tricky.

It seems like everywhere you turn, there is another article (or blog post or BuzzFeed-style list) on things you should avoid saying (to pregnant people, moms of screaming children, moms who stay at home, moms who work outside the home, just to name a few). If you do happen to be one of those people who break one of these supreme “what not to say” rules, you risk the one thing we all want to avoid — creating offense. And, no one wants to be that person. I will admit that some of these posts are downright hilarious (and that I think the person writing somehow snuck his or her way into my brain). But, in my opinion, constantly consuming and sharing these types of posts does more to build walls between and divide people than provide a good, old fashion laugh.

With this in mind, I have compiled the list below of things in friendship I hold in much higher regard than someone being able to avoid saying something that might offend me.

1. Presence. It may just be a text message. Or a phone call. Or a playdate where we have to constantly pause and pick up our conversation between one child running off and another eating dirt. I just need to know that, in this vortex of motherhood, you are somehow here.
2. Honesty. It’s hard to admit it, but I’m not always right. And, I appreciate when a friend can tactfully tell me when these rare occurrences take place.
3. Confidentiality. Everyone loves a juicy story, but no one wants to share her stories with the town gossip. I want to know that what I tell you in confidence remains there. And, I want to prove that I am trustworthy of the same.
4. Laughter. I don’t know exactly how it works, but joy and laughter can renew your spirit. And, after being on the mom clock for [insert number of hours since child’s birth here] straight, my spirit needs to be uplifted a little more than coffee can provide. So, let’s find reasons to laugh together. Two words: girls’ night.
5. Grace. I once received the following advice regarding friendship: Be prepared to ask for forgiveness or forgive daily. I’m going to mess up this whole friendship thing. I’m going to forget to press send on that text message for the tenth time this week. I’m going to cancel plans or be really, really late to at least a few things because one or both kids had an “emergency.” I’m going to accidentally say something that hurts feelings. I might not be able to hold up my end of the conversation because I’m just. so. tired. And, I promise, I’m sorry for it all in advance. But, I know I will need some grace (okay, LOTS of it). But, I will also be giving it.

I count myself blessed that I have mom friends who excel in multiple of the above areas. Really, I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve them.

What are some of the qualities you appreciate most in mom friends?