For the love of all that is good in the world, I just want a moment to myself. Whether it is under my breath or in my head, I feel like I say this at least 20 times a day. The bathroom is supposed to be a safe place where I can just be by myself, if even for a minute. Then I remember that I am the mother of a three-year-old, and I field a gazillion questions a day. Well, it feels like a gazillion. A majority of those questions tend to come through the bathroom door. Sometimes I think my daughter lies in wait for the moment that I head for the toilet. Even when I try to sneak away. She always finds me. 
Yet, she doesn’t follow my husband to the bathroom . . . ever. What is this phenomenon? He simply grabs a book and is gone for at least 30 minutes. And I wonder what ever would I do if I lived in a world where I had 30 uninterrupted minutes in the bathroom? So I allowed myself a moment to fantasize, and this is what I came up with.
10 Things I Would Do with 30 Minutes in the Bathroom
1. Read. It has been forever since I have read a book from beginning to end. I joined an online reading club once but never made it through the first book. I simply faded into the background as everyone discussed the literature of the month and then excused myself from the group when they started talking about reading lists. Shame. Quite frankly, I haven’t had a reading list since grade school. Double shame.
2. Create a reading list. Alas, my stellar list making skills could be put to good use and not even have to include the words “butt cream” or “box of wine.” And then I could finally pass on the cone of shame.
3. Clean my baseboards. So much dust has collected on my baseboards, which I never notice until I’m sitting. It’s an irksome reminder of something else that needs to be cleaned. Yet, I am never sitting long enough to actually give them a good wipe because I’m rushing out the door to assess the damage left by an unsupervised toddler in a room of toy bins. Hence, my dusty baseboards.
4. Pluck my eyebrows. Really pluck them good too. I tend to notice how ragged my brows are right before rushing off to some activity or another. And I definitely don’t trust a stranger with hot wax on my face–or any other body part for that matter–so I am left to my own devices. Or just not at all.
5. Take a nap. Before Maggie was born, everyone–I mean everyone–told me to take a nap when my daughter napped. Three years in, and I still haven’t figured out how to shut off and not clean or fold laundry while she’s napping. And apparently, we are entering the age where naps slowly fade away. So I would stretch out in my tub with a towel behind my head and take a nap. No shame whatsoever.
6. Shower. A 30 minute shower sounds like heaven in a little glass box. I could really give my conditioner time to set in. Maybe shave a leg or go wild and shave them both. I could even let the water run cold, which Pinterest told me is good for my hair. So it must be true!
7. Paint my toenails. But first, I would have to remove several layers of polish, which no doubt would take the full 30 minutes. Too much effort and not enough flexibility these days. Another top coat it is!
8. Drink a cup of coffee before it gets cold. Okay, let’s be real for a minute. I would drink the whole pot of coffee–one cup at a time–and savor every last HOT drop. No sticking it in the microwave and forgetting it. No dropping ice cubes in the mug and pretending it is an iced coffee from some fancy shmancy coffee shop. Just a carafe of hot, aromatic bliss.
9. Decorate my bathroom in my head. For some reason, the bathrooms are always the last rooms in my house to get a coat of paint. Our master bathroom is this wretched chamber of Antique White paint and giant Hollywood dressing room style bulbs. So maybe if I actually complete the project in my head–down to the faucets and towel bars–it will actually come to fruition. One day.
10. Write a blog post. Writing a grocery list with a toddler circling like a shark–asking for snacks or a juice box or to watch a movie–is next to impossible. Now just imagine what it is like to write a blog post in those same conditions. So I may or may not have written this one while hiding away in the powder room.
So there you have it. This is how I would utilize 30 glorious minutes in the commode. What would you do if you had that kind of time on your hands?!
Listen to music!! I don’t remember the last time I really enjoyed listening to music that’s not kid stuff (or my husband on the piano…which I love, don’t get me wrong).
Haha, yes! I reserve those tunes for my very rare solo trips to the grocery store….jamming out in the parking lot before heading in. Lol!
This is awesome!