10 Years Married :: 10 Years Tired


Throughout the first few years of marriage, the mister and I daydreamed about recreating our honeymoon trip when it came time for the 10-year anniversary. “When we celebrate our tenth, we’ll head back to Maui.” You know, by that point, we will be more “settled” with a couple of kids, more financially stable . . .  . Surely by then life will be more under control and we can manage to get away for a big trip.

(Cue my hysterical and maniacal laughter as I type this.)

couple sleepingHere is what my 26-year-old self had right . . . and what she had horribly wrong:

1. I am the mother of two children; however, the notion of being “settled” or “together” is not the anthem ringing through my heart and mind. I’m more like — to be honest — surviving and praying I’m getting it right. These years of parenting little ones tax the body, mind, and soul — and sleep. I’m changing pull-ups, doing potty dances and reward charts, foraging through backpacks and homework folders, sitting in carpool, negotiating with a three year old over snack. The majority of my energy at this stage in life goes into keeping small people alive. The majority of my interaction with my husband centers around parenting — how and when to discipline, modeling positive behaviors, encouraging education, playing with our kids . . . and taking care of their basic needs and emotional needs. At 10 years married, we are in the weeds of parenting, folks.

2. I am more financially stable than I was at 26. Got part of that one right too, except . . . our financial responsibilities have grown. The roll call is extensive (and not exhaustive): house payment, taxes, cars, childcare, all the expenses that come with kiddos, cell phones, utilities, yard care, subscriptions, Internet, groceries, clothing, maintenance, and on and on. At 10 years married, my husband and I are both in the prime of our careers, which translates into demanding work obligations. Yes, our paycheck is larger than it was 10 years ago, but — funny thing — it requires extra work to then manage that, to manage a household. Thus, free time in the evening after the kids are in bed often looks like balancing budgets and prepping grocery lists and paying bills.

3. Life is more under control. As much as I don’t believe it some days, it is actually true. That “control” for lack of a better word came because of maturity. Our choices are more mature and more selfless. Our marriage is more mature. It’s just that the volume of what we are juggling is leaps and bounds larger than I ever imagined. 

Y’all, that’s why we are tired here at 10 years married.

On one hand, I’m afraid I’ve scared the newlyweds with this monologue, but on the other, I hope those rocking 15 and 20 years will nod in agreement. These are the tired years, but it is the best kind of tired. These are the years I will miss when they are over. The mister and I will look back and reminisce about sleepless nights and baby snuggles . . . and that time our youngest vomited over everything in her room. These are the years we are making good memories, building foundations for our family to stand strong on. These are the years the mister and I are doing hard things . . . together. 

We may not hit up restaurants often or venture out for concerts or enjoy honeymoons in Hawaii anymore, but we are living a full — and sometimes running over — life of the best variety. We are tired from good work. Our relationship doesn’t look like surprise flowers and creative haikus, but we love each other well through beds made, dinners cooked, rose bushes trimmed, and babies rocked. It’s the together part that matters.

My 26-year-old self would not believe the joy I find in the familiarity of 10 years, the comfortableness of knowing and accepting each other as is. Ten years is full and tired . . . and friends, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

{By the way, we did celebrate with a tenth anniversary trip, but not to Maui. Hello, tasty Charleston, South Carolina! I’m already missing your shrimp and grits — and Pepsi.}


  1. Love this post – 9 Years into marriage with a 7 month old does equal tired but you are right – we are doing hard things together and building foundations. ๐Ÿ™‚


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