Seven Days of Sex — How I Reconnected with My Husband

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This editorial series, S-E-X, is brought to you by the Fort Worth Moms Blog and Andrea Palmer, MD FACOG with Fenom Women’s Care. All 15 original articles from the S-E-X series can be found on our website.

I remember the advice I received from co-workers at my bridal shower. One woman, a young mom of two kids, encouraged me to aim for sex every single day. She assured me that it was her secret to having a happy husband. Another woman, an older mom, told me that she would be fine if she never again had sex with her husband. She said this in the most serious tone possible. She would be fine with never. I can’t be the only one who thinks that both of these options are a little startling. I mean, every day or never? Neither of these possibilities sounded like something in which I was interested.

I married, and thankfully we settled into a frequency that felt normal and good. Our sex life got a supercharge each time we were trying to conceive. On my end, there was tracking and charting and planning. On his, there was just sex. Lots of offers of sex. No tracking required. Life was just fine.

s-e-x series by dr. palmer and fenom 800 x 800

But somewhere along the pregnancy/childbirth/parenthood way, sex became something I didn’t really even think of. It’s hard to imagine because I do like sex! I even like my husband. But at the end of ending a long day of work and kids and laundry and dishes, the thought of planning and executing one more thing just felt like too much. If my husband brought it up, it felt like he was asking me to clean the baseboards or reorganize the pantry. It just felt like another task.

But the lack of physicality in our relationship began to take its toll. It always does. A healthy sex life is a huge part of a healthy marriage. So one night, while we were having a conversation about our lack of lovemaking, I just blurted out a promise: “Fine. Seven days of sex. I’ll give you seven days in a row.”

You should have seen the look on my husband’s face. At first he didn’t believe me. I assured him that I meant it, even though I wasn’t even sure that I meant it. I have no idea where those words even came from. But they had been spoken, and I am a woman of my word.

“Seven days. Starting tomorrow.” He was thrilled.

I tried to think back to the beginning, to when we first started dating. Our physical relationship was no trouble. We would go out out to dinner, and we were always holding hands. He would wrap his arms around me while we waited in line to buy movie tickets. Our goodnight kiss was never quick. It was long and slow, and I wanted him. So if I removed all thoughts of kids and work problems and my lengthy to-do list, surely I could get back to that place, right? Well, I tried. And I learned some things about myself in the process. We learned some things about ourselves in the process.

If it’s important, we make it happen. We are busy. You are busy. We love to talk about our busy-ness and all of the things we have to do. But you know what I always find time for? Brushing my teeth. Putting on shoes before I leave the house. Making sure my kids are buckled in. I don’t neglect the important things. Don’t let BEING busy get in the way of GETTING busy. Know what I’m saying? Make the time for intimacy.

We are always going to be too tired. Every single night of our seven nights, I was tired. My husband was tired. I had a special work project going on that was requiring several extra hours of work each day. My timing for this plan was terrible, but I stayed true to my promise. And even though there were several nights when my husband sweetly told me I could just go to bed, no sexual relations required, I refused to let the tired win. No excuses.

It doesn’t have to be marathon sex to be good sex. Night one was a little awkward. It had been a while, and this was technically obligatory intimacy. Things progressed from good to great on nights two through four. By night five, we were cracking up laughing because we were so exhausted. Nights six and seven? Well, let’s just say we were ready for a break by then. But every single night was good. Every night was beneficial in one way or another. And by the end of the week, we could give high fives and say that we were glad we had done it.

It helps to view sex as something we do for ourselves. I have no problem pampering myself at the end of the day. A long bath. A glass of wine. A good book. A good piece of chocolate that I don’t have to share with tiny people. These things don’t happen every night, but they feel so indulgent when they do. I am treating myself to a well-deserved break. Taking sex off of the to-do list and putting it onto the you-deserve-this list turns it into something completely different. Light some candles. Ask for a back rub. Don’t rush through. Listen to music you actually like. Perspective is a game changer. 

We successfully completed our seven-day sexperiment. I don’t know when we will do it again. Maybe not soon, but also probably not never. It was good to reconnect with my husband, to remember that I was a lover before I was a mother. So go ahead. Surprise your man. Commit to seven whole days (in a row!) of being intimate. Go all the way. Hit a home run. Get it on, girls. Just do it.

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