That Time I Quit Facebook

2

In retrospect, all the signs were there. Our relationship had become toxic. I’d been hanging on despite my better judgment, staying somewhere I shouldn’t be out of equal parts complacency and fear. The time had come to stop second guessing myself.

I broke up with Facebook.

emoji expressionsI needed space. Maybe I wanted to see other social media. I never said we were exclusive, and Facebook was always making me feel bad about my existence and humanity as a whole. I needed to find myself. It’s not you, Mark. It’s me.  

It took about two months to admit I was wrong. Instagram is pretty, but there’s not enough substance there. Facebook is my mirror. (This is where you mentally insert some JT for dramatic effect. Obviously.)

My mistake became evident almost immediately upon deactivation. Facebook, and social media in general, isn’t just about pictures of kids and dinner plates. It’s the way the world communicates now, and the eerie silence afterwards was deafening. I had grand expectations for my Facebook detox, folks. Above all, I assumed that my stress level would decrease. “I’m going to focus on my family,” she said. “I’m going to turn off all the noise and seek a more peaceful existence,” she said.

I’m so cute, y’all. Bless my heart.

We’ve all debated pulling the plug on Facebook. Some of us every day since The Great Election Season of 2016. Anyway, I’m sharing my epic fail for you, good people. I learned some valuable lessons that might save you the embarrassment of having to beg Facebook to come back after a brief indiscretion with Snapchat. We were ON A BREAK!  

Erasing Facebook Doesn’t Erase Your Personal Issues

In my case, I had been living in a state of grief over my chronically ill son for more than a year. As days turned into months without him getting better, Facebook had morphed from a fun way to stay connected to the world into a source of pain. I had an almost voyeuristic look into all the things our family was missing. There was photographic evidence, on a daily basis, of where my son should be. What his peers were up to. The parties he wasn’t invited to. What my friends were involved in. It started to hurt.

Here’s a fun fact: It didn’t stop hurting when I quit Facebook. I wasn’t any happier when I shut out the world. I’d say it actually prolonged the grief process because — let’s be honest here — there isn’t a magical day in the future when my little one will suddenly be fine and dandy. None of our lives are ever going to be picture-perfect, and closing all the doors and windows to the outside world only makes it darker. A better plan? Get a dog, and start listening to gangsta rap. What’s more cathartic than dog hugs, exercise, and singing along with a very angry DMX? Nothing.

Facebook = Communication

As it turned out, quitting Facebook was the equivalent of moving my family to Siberia. Or maybe a remote jungle where villagers still speak with clicking sounds. Or 1982. Whatever. Bottom line? I knew NOTHING about ANYTHING after I deactivated.

I had absolutely no idea how much I used Facebook beyond sharing family pictures and funny asides. Facebook is how I kept up with the kids’ classrooms and school in real time. It’s how I knew about every single community activity. It’s how I managed to keep my finger on the pulse of literally everything going on around me! As a mom with young children, Facebook was the only way I kept track of what was happening in every part of my life. From new restaurants to road closures to neighborhood block parties — Facebook told me what was up. With a quick glance at the app over the sounds of Daniel Tiger, I could stay caught up on everything going on outside.  

Full disclosure. That last part wasn’t true. Daniel Tiger just sounded better than “ungrateful kids unboxing toys on YouTube.” Ahem.

Take Control of What You See 

This is a big one, friends. If Facebook is bringing you down, bring Facebook UP. Do something about what’s bugging you! Use those buttons to hide, unfollow, or even block people who are toxic. It’s not hard in a state of misery to look up one day and find yourself wallowing in the pain. Heaven knows I did. Instead of hiding the people who hurt my heart, I looked at what they had to say every single day. Yep, that’s totally healthy.

Why on earth do we do this to ourselves? Granted, you can’t unfriend your mean Aunt Linda, but you sure as heck can hide her! You know that one girl from childhood who never ages, married a David Beckham look-alike, has a fountain in her front yard, and gave birth to perfect children who don’t watch YouTube? I give you permission to unfriend that one. The fountain is probably photoshopped, anyway.  

If you think that people present a false reality on Facebook, you are right. Do you post all the craptastic stuff that life throws at you? I can be a rockstar on Tuesday and an abject failure by Friday. I’m versatile like that. And y’all know I didn’t post on Friday. We don’t have to share everything on social media to be “real.” Can you even imagine what our newsfeeds would look like if we posted ALL of our hot messes? Just no.

Some folks use Facebook to vent about life more than others, and that’s okay. I generally like to keep social media lighthearted, but that doesn’t mean my life isn’t a trainwreck of suck on occasion. We judge ourselves way too hard if we let the Facebook posts of peers get us down. We should stop doing that. We should also stop drinking so much Dr. Pepper and limit screen time. So there’s that.

Don’t Be a Quitter

My best advice for making Facebook a healthier environment? Only be friends with people who are actually your friends. Quickly scroll past the ones that are going through the I-can-only-post-about-Crossfit phase. Definitely hide the new mom who starts any post with, “I will NEVER do this with my angel.” But show her grace. You know you thought you were above child tantrums until your oldest lost his flipping mind on the floor at Kroger. Or maybe that was just me. Regardless of the details, clean up that newsfeed, and start liking more pet rescues. That is where the joy lives.

If you need cheering up, don’t break up with Facebook. Join your neighborhood group page instead. Then watch the people who park on the street argue with the people who park in their garages while listening to Dr. Dre. You’ll feel better. It’s science.  

2 COMMENTS

  1. “Full disclosure. That last part wasn’t true. Daniel Tiger just sounded better than “ungrateful kids unboxing toys on YouTube.” Ahem.”

    I AM NOT ALONE IN THIS WORLD!

    Love you Chalna.

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here