Disclaimer :: I am not a medical professional, and the information and opinions presented in this article are based on my experience and personal research and not of FWM or CMC.

For me, it was sudden.

At the beginning, I could cope relatively easily because my reserves were full. After a year, however, I became a muted version of myself. I knew that exposing my experience to others was risky; it could drive them away or make them uncomfortable. I learned a lot after a long season of intense pain. With this post, I’d like to reach anyone in the same position I was in last holiday season. 

Whether it is migraines or your own quirky brand of chronic pain, this is for you. 

You Are Not Alone

I see you. I know you probably cry at night after the kids finally fall asleep, trying to hold on to a sliver of hope that this won’t be forever. You’ve held it together all day through the pain, and nighttime is the hardest. It is impossible for the pain to not affect your hope . . . and your spirit. Pain is an uninvited guest, and chronic pain is a terrible constant companion. 

It is tempting to keep your mouth shut and tell only a few people how deeply impacted you are; however, this begins to isolate you pretty quickly.

Tips on Walking Through a Pain Flare

1. Acknowledge your pain. Call it what it is. Pride and fear can prevent us from doing this. You probably want desperately to pick yourself up by the bootstraps and be done with it. That may be how you’ve gotten through previous life hurdles, after all! However, the way to be done with it is to wade through it. To accept it. Even still, I don’t like stating, “I have chronic pain.” It is a true statement, though! We can’t like every single thing about life, and this may be one thing you have to learn to claim.
2. Grieve the person you were before all of this. I hesitate when saying this because, of course, you’re the same person. However, you should be able to be extremely sad about the loss of your carefree, healthy self before moving on.
3. Talk to your safe people about it. It is okay that you’re repeating yourself. You’re processing it, and that’s exactly how people process! Try speaking to more than just one or two close people (like someone you know who has experienced pain like yours). Attempt opening up more than you normally would, and you just may find that it undergirds you with strength you didn’t know you had.
4. Continue seeking various medical opinions until you feel like you’ve gotten a bit of your life back. This one is important. Second opinions are good! If you think a doctor isn’t hearing you accurately, chances are he or she isn’t, and you could use a fresh perspective. It’s tempting to think that new doctors are too draining because you have to give them the entire back story. In the midst of chronic, debilitating pain, you have to dig deep to find the time and energy to do this. Do it! It’s extremely important to find another professional if you’ve been going somewhere for, say, a year with only incremental amounts of improvement. Expect that side effects of medicine can and will mess with you; find the balance with your team of trusted doctors.
5. Go to counseling. This one is easy to skip. You’re probably so sick of various doctor appointments that the idea of scheduling therapy is just obnoxious to you. Just go. You won’t be going to this many doctors forever; you can do this! Help yourself; you’re more than worth it. You have to help yourself before you can help others, as the flight attendants say, so please don’t shortchange yourself and use “momming” as an excuse to neglect this.
6. Find purpose in this pain. Yes, this has been nearly tragic in your life, and it has stolen a lot of joy. I urge you, however, not to allow it to steal another minute without turning it around to help others. Brainstorm. Altruism is powerful. How can you serve people through or because of this? For me, I like to write, but I also try to jump on opportunities to encourage or affirm others in similar situations.
7. Remain hopeful. There IS hope! You’re most likely going to find better answers than you’ve found right now. Even if and when you don’t, you won’t feel this sad about it for forever; tomorrow is a new day. Press on, hang in there, and remind yourself that you’re made to conquer this.

One potential hurdle is that others may deny the problem in order to cope with how much you’ve changed or how difficult this is for you (and therefore them). It can be an overwhelming situation, and this is just human nature. If they (or we) make less of it, it somehow feels easier. However, that can make it even more difficult for you to accept your state and work through the stages of healing.

Please hear this from someone who has walked in your shoes: You are not to blame for your pain. NOTHING you’ve done has caused this situation. These things just happen to people. It took me a long time to begin to use the term “chronic pain” for what was happening to my body, but once I did, acceptance hit. That was a turning point for the emotional healing from it all.