Five Reasons Why We Skipped Fertility Treatments


My forever answer to the question — what do you want to be when you grow up? — was, “a mom.” It was in my bones, even as a two year old caring for her baby dolls. Motherhood was my lifelong dream. The idea that I might not be able to give birth to my babies, or that conceiving would be challenging, was foreign.

couple in fieldMy infertility was not a surprise discovered after years spent trying to conceive. Instead, a stage-four endometriosis diagnosis hit me like a ton of bricks as an unmarried 24 year old. According to my gynecologist, the disease had already wreaked havoc on my uterus and ovaries. The outlook for my fertility was grim. I had time over the next two years to process the possibilities and to consider how I’d want to proceed if I was unable to conceive naturally. 

Thankfully, as my husband started looking like a permanent fixture, we discovered much alignment in our thinking about how to move forward to start a family. Several factors influenced our decision. Read on to learn the five primary reasons we chose not to seek fertility treatments. 

  1. My husband already has a biological child, and I don’t need one. Don’t misunderstand this; we would be ecstatic to find out we were having a child together. We also feel content without one. Our value is no less as foster/adoptive parents than as biological parents. If we wanted badly enough to share a biological child, I imagine that we would push through any obstacles standing in front of us. Ultimately, all of our reasons for not seeking fertility treatments circle back to this one.
  2. Needle phobia. To say that I am terrified of needles would be the understatement of the century. I try to explain the depth of my terror to medical professionals who always brush it off until they see me in action. My panic attacks each time I need an injection or blood draw are unparalleled. The best fertility treatment for me due to my endometriosis is IVF. So thank you, but no.
  3. I don’t actually WANT to be pregnant. Forgive me for this one. I know pregnancy is beautiful, wonderful, magical, worth it, and all the other things. However, I am certain I would fall into the group of moms who just want it to be over. All other reasons aside, the needles are enough to keep me from being thrilled about the idea of pregnancy. Sure, I would figure out a way to cope with all the hard things if I had to, but you definitely won’t catch me daydreaming about the possibility.
  4. Couple hug and look over horizon
    Photo by Joao Silas on Unsplash.

    The emotional roller coaster. Given the severity of my endometriosis, our odds for successful fertility treatment, even IVF, are not great. We knew that as long as we continued trying to become pregnant, we would be delaying our acceptance of the fact that it might never happen. I would know better than to get my hopes up, but they would sneak up on me anyway, and each failure would be a crushing blow. This seemed to be unnecessary torture for people who are content to move on without a biological child. 

  5. The need for adoptive/foster parents, plus our desire to meet that need. My husband and I want to be a middle home or permanent home to children who need a safe place. Please hear me when I say . . . adoption and foster parenting are absolutely not the responsibility of the infertile. We didn’t choose to be foster parents because we should have, or as a last resort. We didn’t choose this over fertility treatments because of a belief that spending money on fertility treatments is irresponsible or immoral. This was a factor in our decision strictly because both our hearts were drawn to this place.

Why did you choose to undergo or to forego fertility treatments?

The Fort Worth Moms Blog hosts 20 Neighbor Groups via Facebook, including the Fertility Discussion with Tarrant County Moms. These groups are free to join and offer online and offline opportunities to build relationships and gain resources from other moms in the area.


  1. Loved your honesty in this article! You are a kind soul and have chose to continue with joy and I applause you for that my friend?


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