This post is part of an editorial series, “Healthy Mama,” brought to you by the Fort Worth Moms Blog and Texas Health Care Privia Medical Group North Texas, which includes Dr. Elisabeth Wagner, Dr. Mickey Hooper, Dr. Bea Kutzler, Dr. Doug Decker, Dr. Jamie Erwin, Dr. Kathleen Cammack, Dr. Emily Maas, Dr. Jennifer McLeland, Dr. Lindsay Breedlove, Dr. Martha Guerra, Dr. Danielle Burkett, Dr. Robert Zwernemann, Dr. Jay Herd, Dr. Ingrid Kohlmorgen, and Dr. Martin Read. We hope these pieces provide you with helpful information, encouragement, and answers as you make decisions for your own health.
I like to be able to do it all. I want to be care for my kids, work my full-time job, cook homemade meals, spend quality time with my family, exercise regularly, be involved in my community, and date my husband.
Some days, I totally nail it. I #supermom like it’s my business. Other days, I don’t even come close. But that’s okay, because when I can’t do it all — or even half of it, to be honest — I try to remind myself that I don’t have to. I am not alone. I do not have to do this alone. I have a village.
When my husband and I were young newlyweds living overseas, thanks to Uncle Sam, I had a village. As we moved in, people we had just met gave us cabinets and other items they could spare so that we had enough pantry space. And when those people needed a babysitter a year later so they could take an adults-only trip, we stayed with the kids for a few nights. A few friends and I would take turns making dinner when our spouses were deployed, so we didn’t always have to cook and eat alone. It takes a village.
Living in San Antonio, one of my kids had to go to the emergency room via ambulance because of breathing issues. I couldn’t get ahold of my husband and had the two other boys with me. A friend met me with her twins in tow at the emergency room and sat with the kids until J arrived. Three months later, I was dropping food off on her porch because they had been hit by a stomach bug and her husband was gone. It takes a village.
My husband and I were waiting for a table at a restaurant with a group of friends. My kids were at home with a babysitter, and it was amazing. A family with three kids waited nearby, and it had been a long time. When the kids started getting squirmy, I took three hot wheels cars out of my purse and rolled them over. They had a blast playing while they waited. It takes a village.
When I found out I was pregnant with our third son, I was scared and worried. I called a friend who lived across the country to tell her, even though it was 3:00 a.m. her time. She let me babble on the phone for an hour until I had calmed down. It takes a village.
The person who lets you go in front of her in line at the grocery store, because your kids are going bonkers and you only have two items. The people in your Mommy Facebook group who tell you it’s just a viral rash when you post a picture and offer suggestions on how to treat it. The mom who always answers your calls, the friend who needs a last-minute sitter, the family you cooked a meal for when someone close to them died. It takes a village.
We all have a village. Some of our people might be close by, and others we may only see on occasion. There are friends on Facebook who we never see in person, but who always answer our questions and cheer on our accomplishments.
Sometimes the people in our village may even have passed away, but their memories influence us daily. The people around you — who wave you through at the stop sign, or who pay for your Starbucks because they’re in the car ahead of you — are all a part of your village.
On the days when you’re Supermom, you may be the one rescuing others: dropping off food, holding a baby, setting aside hand-me-downs, sharing your snacks at the park. People are always so grateful for a little bit of help, humanity, kindness. And you know that maybe next time, you’ll be the one who needs to call on your village to get through.
Let me tell you, loud and proud. No matter what your life looks like, we all go through the ups and downs. We all need a helping hand at some point. We all need each other on this journey of parenting and life. That’s why it takes a village. We can’t do it alone.
My personal mothering experience is only seven and a half years deep. The lessons I have learned are vast, but of course, there are many yet to come. However, I have found that once you become a mother, you take a reflective look at all the mothers you have known before — friends, aunts, your mother, grandmother, etc. — and see their lives and decisions through a new eye, learning from them in real time and retroactively. When you take a look at years past, you realize those moms didn’t do it alone. So why should you? After all, it takes a village.
