This post is part of an editorial series, “Sweet Sleep,” brought to you by the Fort Worth Moms Blog. We hope these pieces provide you with helpful information, encouragement, and insight as your navigate your family’s sleep journey.
We have been together for so long. I still remember the first time I really noticed you. We grew up together, but I didn’t appreciate how amazing you were until high school. I remember walking in the door. You there in the corner, waiting for me as you always had, warm and welcoming, ready to accept me in whatever state I came.
You were my place to land — on hard days you held me while I cried, when I rejoiced, you were there to hear my laughter. You were always welcoming to my friends, never complaining when we had sleepovers or when we made you hold all our bags. I thought about you all day at school and still long for the days when the bell would ring and I could go curl up with you for an afternoon nap. We had such freedom then!
College was by far my most favorite season of our relationship. You were my safe haven in an ever-changing world. When all of my space was shared, you were the place I ran to that was mine-all-mine. I loved sneaking away between classes to be together, you wrapping me in your soft embrace as we soaked up the mid-day sun streaming through my window. You were my study partner, my hiding place, my favorite. (Though there was that one time when I walked in and found you and my roommate together, but I know you didn’t love her the way you loved me.)
Those years together were sweet and fleeting. We were inseparable, and my love for you was deep. Our time together was so flexible; I miss those days.
In the last several years, I have felt a distance between us. New responsibilities changed our relationship. Work had me running out the door early and coming home to crash with you late in the evenings. We still enjoyed meals and movies together, but the time we spent became obligatory, routine. Our afternoon rendezvous ended as adulthood came head-on. But I never stopped longing for that extra time together.
Pregnancy and small children transformed this great love story of ours. You continued to be my safe place, though often at a distance. As we mutually lulled babies to sleep, wearing spit up and the smell of long days with no showers, I found myself fantasizing about the good old days. I thought about the way you seemed made for my body and how my newly changed figure made me feel restless even with you. Dreams of our long hours of unhindered focus melded into the fray each night as I had to push off your embrace to comfort and feed a hungry baby.
Now those babies are bigger, no longer a physical boundary between the two of us, yet still keeping us apart. Don’t get me wrong, you know I love them, love when they curl up with us in the mornings. But, let’s be real, most days I could spend a few extra hours just the two of us.
I expect our relationship will continue to evolve. We both look and feel completely different. I mean let’s be real, we’ve both gotten a LOT bigger, and there are some areas that are starting to sag.
You will always be the constant I come home to, even as life pulls me away in all directions. I guess what I want you to know is this: I will always want to be with you. I will still find ways to sneak away with you on on quiet afternoons, relishing whatever moments we can steal together. When I am away, I will long for your comfort, imagining you waiting there for me. When the children are grown, I will remember how sweet it was when their tiny frames would wrestle and jump on top of us. Though it seems that everything and everyone are trying to tear us apart, I will fight for us, because I need you.
No matter what, you will always be my favorite, my dearest, my bed.
All my love.
P.S. Sorry I never make you.