Growing up do you ever remember feeling like you did something so disappointing to your parents that you felt you somehow embarrassed them?
Maybe you did something wrong or something unpopular. Maybe you weren’t good at something they wanted you to be good at. Maybe you just weren’t the child they had imagined you would be.
This is a feeling I NEVER want my kids to experience.
I never want my kids to feel I put the opinions of others above my love for them even when they do things that aren’t ideal in my eyes. I never want my kids to feel the pressure of getting their self worth from being successful, much less that MY self worth comes from their success.
I am committed to letting my kids know that they can NOT and will NOT embarrass me. They will suck at some things. They will make mistakes. They will do stuff that I find reckless or stupid. But I will always be proud to be on their team and will love them as they are.
So I wrote a letter to my kids about this, but I really wrote it just as much for myself as a reminder where my priorities should lie and how I want to live.
To my beloved children,
When you throw a fit in public you won’t embarrass me. We all have bad days, and I’m here to go through low moments with you.
When you are clingy to me or feel uncomfortable in new situations and do strange things because of it — you won’t embarrass me. I know you’re learning to navigate your feelings and understand where you feel safe.
When you pick out “unusual” outfit combinations that don’t even come close to matching or even wear Halloween costumes the entire month of March — you won’t embarrass me. I’m happy that you haven’t bought into the our cultural standard of style at the expense of your own sense of self and creativity.
When you do poorly at something — you won’t embarrass me. Your worth and value to me aren’t in your grades or your athletic or artist abilities. You are so much more than how you preform. You are loved regardless of how you preform. And I’m not getting my self worth from showing you off through you in the first place.
When you have acne, body odor, and are generally uncool — you will not embarrass me. I love you so much and your outward appearance will never change my love for you and that I see you as beautiful.
When you dye your hair or wear things I don’t understand, or God forbid get some “unique” piercing — you won’t embarrass me. I recognize that you are coming into your own and discovering who you are. I am excited to get to walk this journey with you.
When you make mistakes that seem huge and do things that I’ve begged you not to — you will still not embarrass me. I’m not perfect. You’re not perfect. I’m here to protect and direct you, and I’m not abandoning you no matter what. I’m proud I get to be your mom, and I’m proud of the unique creation you are.
Your weaknesses, your shortcomings, your faults, they aren’t you.
And loving you and standing with you is so much more important to me than worrying about what others think.
I am proud of you for who you are, not what you do.
In front of strangers, friends, or family — you will never embarrass me.
I will always love you,
Mom
