Balancing Joy and Grief on Mother’s Day

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Mother’s Day was so simple for me as a child. I lived in a home with my nuclear family, including a mother I long believed could do no wrong. The holiday, to me, meant a happy celebration of my mother. So we dined out after church and showered her with handmade cards and coupon books. But I realize more with each passing year how complex this day is for so many, myself included. The heartaches that come with motherhood — or the absence of motherhood — eventually find us all. Grief on Mother’s Day is a reality.

To those who have strained or hurtful relationships with their mothers or children: I am so sorry for the pain you are experiencing. You may feel like you were robbed of your childhood. Or maybe you’ve fought for years to be the best mom and you can’t figure out what went wrong. I hope you have other relationships that bring happiness, but I also hope you find reconciliation in this mother-child relationship.

To the mom who is waist-deep in toddler tantrums, teenage emotions, or anywhere in between, and is doubting herself: motherhood is hard. You are not alone in thinking parenting is harder than you expected or wanted it to be. We all have days when we feel like we have failed. We all want to run away sometimes. But remember that none of us really know what we are doing. Remember that time spent with your children is an investment in their lives. Even on your worst days, you are the best mom for your kids. Hang in there!

two women huggingTo those who are grieving the loss of a mother or child: it is not fair. Things will never feel the same without the person you love so dearly, yet the world continues to spin. The loss of a child is something most of us cannot fathom. The loss of a parent removes a constant from your life. Every emotion you feel is valid. While I know you will never “move on,” I hope you find a path forward that brings new joys and sweet reminders of your loved one.

To the woman who has made space in her heart and her home for a baby who has not come: I am you, and I see you. Maybe you are experiencing infertility. Maybe you are waiting to be chosen to adopt. Maybe your adoption fell through. Maybe you gave your heart to a foster child and had to say goodbye. You are not less than. You are not unworthy. Grieve your losses, but don’t lose hope.

I am grateful there is a date set aside on our calendars to honor moms for all their hard work and sacrifice. However, I know firsthand that, for some, this day is just a painful reminder of loss and there is grief on Mother’s Day. Loss of a child, a mother, or hopes and dreams. Let’s recognize the incredible moms we know this Mother’s Day, but remember to hold space for your own grief and the grief of your friends, too. If you have a friend who has a reason to grieve reach out to her. Let her know you are thinking of her on this difficult day. Let’s all be in this together, mamas.

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