You say you never knew how to love until me. Do you know that I only know how to love because of you? You held up all of us, kept our little circus moving and growing. You are the glue, and nothing in my life passes without glimpses of your needed existence sprinkled throughout.
Buying clothing and shoes second-hand takes some practice. It's easy to get overwhelmed or feel like you are not getting high quality items. I promise you, with a little practice and direction, you can walk away with some treasures and still clothe your children (your husband, and yourself) with pride.
After that moment, I stopped worrying I would become my mother and began praying I could emulate her in even the tiniest of ways. When I scoop my babies into hugs and give them wild kisses over their faces and necks, I bask in their giggles and remember my own. As we chuckle about toots and dig joyously in the backyard, I hope I pass on her down-to-earth humor and sense of adventure.
After spending the last year in counseling for postpartum depression, my heart and mind have unraveled in ways that, while painful, have liberated me. I am learning to love myself in all of the undone-ness of being human -- it only seems natural that my hair should follow suit. One Google search three months ago sent me down a rabbit hole of new information. Women who had fought their hair for years were embracing their curls! Support groups and product methods, strange acronyms and rules, flooded my browser tabs. Pages and pages of before-and-after pictures convinced me, and I dove hair-first into the curly girl method.
When we imagine our children in their teen and adult years, it is pretty unlikely that our dreams for them involve a goal weight or size. Yet, the way we flippantly talk about weight is embedding the idea that at least some part of their worth is measured this way. Love your own body, treat it well, and speak well of it -- for YOU and for your kiddos!
I know it might be hard to remember her, but that girl you fell in love with -- she's still here. Please see her: the ready-for-adventure, vibrant woman you fought for and promised to love forever.
As moms, we do all we can to keep memories of our children fresh in our minds. But what about our firsts? Moms of all stages can attest to the constant barrage of newness, so here's to a few motherhood firsts.