When you think about it, it makes sense. We fully commit to our children. So much of our energies are given to them -- barely having time for ourselves. Where is time for our spouses? I know my husband has to work. He knows I have to take care of the boys. We pretty much both keep our mouths shut. Now, how do we stop and fix this?
The number one fear of probably every mother on the planet is the fear of being selfish. And at the same time that we're avoiding selfishness, we're faced with the task of self-care. And don't forget about your spouse or partner with whom you are supposed to maintain and grow a relationship. It's exhausting trying to keep all the plates spinning.
If your dad wasn't your first love or your house was unsafe, you're not alone. And choosing a spouse or partner the total opposite of your toxic parent(s) was a wise decision. You CAN be the end of the line of angry people. Their story doesn't have to be yours, and your story doesn't have to be your child's. You don't have to carry your parents' baggage anymore.
If my husband brought it up, it felt like he was asking me to clean the baseboards or reorganize the pantry. It just felt like another task. But the lack of physicality in our relationship began to take its toll. It always does. A healthy sex life is a huge part of a healthy marriage. So one night, while we were having a conversation about our lack of lovemaking, I just blurted out a promise: "Fine. Seven days of sex. I'll give you seven days in a row."
Two decades of marriage have taught me a lot, and have also taught me that I have so much to learn. I fully expect that by my 40th anniversary, I'll look back and laugh at where I am today. In that sense, I look forward to getting older and seeing how far I've come on a path that's never predictable.