For some of us, the month recognizing pregnancy and infant loss is a sad but distant reminder of another mama's reality. For others, October marks a much more personal and profound grief -- the remembrance of littles we have loved and lost too soon.
When my husband and I lost our daughter, so many other couples disclosed their own experiences of miscarriage and infant loss so that we knew we were not alone. Knowing there was a community of parents who had experienced pregnancy and infant loss and who were not afraid to speak up about their experiences helped me to push through my own grief. If they could survive, so could I.
My body may not have lost a baby, but my brain did -- and no amount of scientific research can argue with that. When I saw the positive tests, I began planning for a new baby. In two days, I reimagined bedroom arrangements, sorted through summer plans to accommodate a newborn, and mourned the loss of future sleep. I saw a future life with three kids.
On the day I found out I was pregnant with this baby, I told my husband quietly, as if saying it out loud might cause something bad to happen. We didn't cry and laugh like we did with our first. We were excited, of course, but with the unspoken knowledge of how this could end permanently written on our hearts. It's hard to let that go. It's hard to live in hope.
October marks an official time when we acknowledge and grieve those little loves we've lost too soon. October is the month we come alongside...
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