“It takes a village to raise a child” is the age-old African proverb that many of us live by. Raising children is, by far, one of the most challenging responsibilities parents carry, however, finding and cultivating a village truly makes this process a positive experience.
I moved away from home 12 years ago to be with my now husband, and it was one of the most difficult decisions I ever made. However, I was in love and couldn’t wait to be with him. We eventually got married and started our own family. Fortunately, my mother retired early and spent the first two months of my daughter’s life in Texas, and it was the greatest gift she could have ever given us.
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But when she returned home, I realized that I had signed up for a life I didn’t know. I grew up in a multigenerational home where my great aunts and uncles lived next door, around the corner, and across the street. I was surrounded by family all the time. I was also a member of a church where we were like a family. Spending the night at each others’ homes, visiting each other in the hospital when we were sick, and going on every youth event there was to attend. I was loved, and loved well. I was protected, guided, and supported by so many people. And then I left.
I was a new mom without my own mother, grandparents, siblings, or friends. I was tired, stressed, and trying to rely solely on my husband for support, which was exhausting for both of us. It became very clear that we needed a village, and we needed one fast. Here are some ways I reached out to find my people.
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1. Church
My husband and I became active members in our church. From our church involvement, we met a church member who owned an at-home daycare. She has been my daycare provider for the past six years and has become one of my closest friends.
2. Community Groups
I joined all the Facebook mom groups. In one of these groups, I met someone who has since become a very dear friend. Our girls were two when we met, and now they are first-grade students at the same school. Check out the Fort Worth Moms community groups, which has regional groups as well as topical groups for parenting at all stages, styles, and differences.
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3. Library
The library became my best friend. Story times and playdates at the library were a great way to spend time away from the house. I made connections with other moms who were going through similar struggles and milestones, and it was a great place for the babies to play together.
4. Hosting and Inviting
I became the friend that plans all the events, parties, and get-togethers. I realized that this fills my cup. My happy place is when I can hang out with my friends and my kids can, too. So, during school breaks and weekends I try to plan activities for me to connect with my mom friends. I put in the effort because I know how much I need it. Be relentless in building those connections. Friendships need just as much work as any other relationship.
5. Ask for Help
Finally, I had to learn to ask for help. I struggled in the beginning because I felt guilty whenever I needed to ask for help. It was almost like asking for help became my punishment for leaving my original home where there was a plethora of help. I felt like there were times I had no one, but I had to change my perspective. The shame kept me from leaning on my husband, my in-laws who are local, and friends who were willing to help. I had to let go of the guilt.
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The transition was and still is hard, but the village comes to the rescue. I am so grateful that I took the time to create a safe space for me and my family as we journey through parenthood. I’m certain that these connections will last a lifetime, and I hope that I’ve created a space for my children to meet and create friendships with other kiddos, too.
Chicago will always be home, but I’m happy to say that I have two places to call home now.
