Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

I try to live my life with no regrets. Off the top of my head, if there is one thing I regret, one thing I wish I could go back and change, it starts the moment I learned I was pregnant with twins. I wish, instead of being scared and worried I wouldn’t be able to take care of them, I’d enjoyed the time I had with them. I regret spending my pregnancy confused, troubled and worried. I wish I’d been happy, excited and elated.

At 14 weeks, we saw the girls on a regularly scheduled sonogram. They appeared healthy and my doctor was pleased with their growth and progress. We learned they were girls at that appointment. Identical twin girls (mo/di for the multiple moms out there). We were floored, and still a bit nervous. However, we’d made it past the critical 12-week mark and so we carried on with our lives, which included a weekend out of town for a concert. We named the girls that weekend. Sitting outside Gruene Hall and the Gristmill…their names were, and still are, Megyn Kaye and Whitney Quinn. I swear I felt them move to the songs of Roger Creager, that to this day, bring up mixed emotions.

We went back for my regular check up and sonogram at 18 1/2 weeks. They were gone. Neither baby had a heartbeat when just 4 short weeks before, they’d been given names, we’d ordered furniture and my mom and I had shopped for matching outfits. Over the next few days, I was induced, labored and delivered 2 beautiful baby girls. I held them and told them I loved them so much. I have their handprints, their footprints and several other items I will treasure so long as I live. I walked out of the hospital with empty arms, a mother to angel babies. A position I never understood nor wished to be. But like so many things in life, this was not a choice which was mine to make. Not a day has gone by I haven’t thought of them. Not a day goes by I don’t miss them and my life is forever changed. The saddest part of my story is that it is not unique. Every day dreams are shattered and hearts are broken when the doctor tells parents to be their worst fear has become a reality. I read this quote recently and it stuck with me:

“A miscarriage is a natural and common event. All told, probably more women have lost a child from this world than haven’t. Most don’t mention it, and they go on from day to day as if it hadn’t happened, so people imagine a woman in this situation never really knew or loved what she had. But ask her sometime: how old would your child be now? And she’ll know.” -Barbara Kingsolver

Chances are good you know someone, or you are someone, who has experienced this type of devastating loss. Read some of the shocking statistics here. Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day was created to honor all babies, gone too soon, no matter the reason. Be it miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, molar pregnancy, stillbirth, birth defects, SIDS, or any other causes, this day is to honor them and their memory. We here at Fort Worth Moms Blog want you to know you are not alone in your journey. This journey of motherhood takes us so many places. Some of those places are fun, joyful and extraordinary. Some of those places are dark, sad and lonely. Today, on this Day of Remembrance, please know you are not alone. For all the tears you’ve shed for your precious angel babies, we shed tears with you. For all your hopes and dreams which were stolen from you, we grieve your loss with you. Motherhood was never meant to be a solitary journey. Today we want you to know you are not alone and we hope you find some comfort on this day set aside to remember those precious babies taken too soon.