So, you’ve got a kid in a sport? Maybe a couple of kids in sports? Perhaps a few kids in a couple of sports? You’ve come to the right place! In four steps, I can show you how to become the envy of all your children’s teammates.
This journey isn’t for the faint of heart. If you’ve got the commitment, I have the inside scoop.
Slap on that eye black and crank your favorite hype song because I am about to transform you into the ultimate sports mom!
Step 1: But Make It Fashion
Contrary to popular opinion, the win does not go to the team who plays hardest. Victory is given to those whose mamas come dressed to win. One wills success from her child by being mindful of the ever-important wardrobe.
Team colors? Check. Player’s name and number displayed across your shirt? Double check!
Think of your attire as a points system. The more spirit wear you adorn, the bigger the “W” flag your mini-athlete is sure to fly.
If you haven’t invested in some quality sports-themed jewelry, now is as good a time as any. Those soccer ball-shaped earrings won’t wear themselves! If you’ve got the multi-sports crew, there are earrings for every season! Basketball, baseball, softball, tennis! The world is your oyster, sister. Wear them loud, and wear them proud!
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Step 2: Rolling to Battle
Allow me to make this one simple for you. She who rolls in with the most gear has the most heart. It you want the coveted title of Ultimate Sports Mom, it comes with an actual load to bear.
Dust off your canvas wagon and prepare thyself! You are going to fill up that sucker and roll it to the frontlines of the battlefield. Comfy camping chairs not only give your booty a reprieve from bleachers, but they also promote status, honey!
Those chairs go where YOU say they go. Directly behind the umpire? Duh. Give a woman a bleacher seat, and she will cheer for a few minutes before complaining about her sore junk-in-the-trunk. Teach her to bring her own camping chair, and you’ve created the world’s greatest cheerleader. Happy fanny, happy mom.
Don’t forget to bring the cooler of snacks, both for your athlete and yourself. Cheering from the sidelines makes a mama hungry!
And depending on the climate, there is a sea of gadgets at your disposal to add to your wagon: Misting fans, electric blankets, cooling neck towels, pop-up pods. Talk about status — until you have a giant plastic bubble shielding you from the elements, you have not reached the pinnacle of your sports mom-ness. Insulated mugs for warm bevies in a cold hockey arena are a must. Extra points are earned when your Cricket-obsessed friends slaps your kiddo’s name and jersey number across that bad boy. (Refer to step one.)
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Step 3: We Can’t Hear You!
How, pray tell, will your junior competitor know you’re watching unless he or she hears you? Girlfriend. Rest your instrument all week. Tea, throat lozenges, whispers at home. Come the weekend, game ON. Let those roars out!
Your goal is two-fold: Let your baby-child, apple of your eye, know how very here for them you are. Let your cheers instill courage as they do battle on the court or field. May your cries of “Run!” and “Get him!” spur your athlete on to, in fact, run and get him.
Furthermore, with every war-cry, you strike fear into the heart of your opponent. Oopsies. I mean, your child’s opponent.
Let it be known to the other team a mighty camping chair-warrior sits in the corner of the good guys. And don’t stop with yelling at the children! Include the referees, umpires, and officials in your bellows. They must know you are watching. You have the eyes of an eagle! You hold the scales of justice in the palm of your hand. (The one not holding your personalized mug. Obviously.)
Step 4: Extra! Extra! Read All About It!
This step is all about creating buzz for your athlete. Go ahead and appoint yourself as your child’s manager/PR/spokesperson. He or she need the press, but just don’t know it.
Wallpapering Facebook and Instagram with fuzzy snapshots through a chain link fence is what the world of sports needs to see. That’s where the story is!
Sure, common folk may scroll past a photo of a child they can’t identify due to being completely covered in gear. The real ones come to the same picture and know a sports god lies within.
Videos of your warrior are a must. The NBA can’t come a ‘knocking if you don’t create Tik Tok highlight videos of that 6U basketball game. This is on you, lady! Make it happen! Show the world what it’s been missing with your mighty wee one’s flag football touchdown. (Your banshee screams in the video’s background are imperative. See step three.) How did Justin Bieber rise to fame? His mama, honey! Scatter those videos far and wide! But only the good ones, of course.
There you have it. Four steps guaranteed to take you from a boring, side-line watching ordinary to a blinged-out, wagon-toting, roaring sports extraordinary!
You now have the knowledge and you’ve always possessed the power. It’s time to step into your greatness. Emerge from your minivan chrysalis as the ultimate sports mom. You go, girl.
